I know for so long, many of us, including myself, have been scared of our own power, the power of our minds, the power of our intuition, the power of that voice in our heads. Some have just rebuked and turned their backs on their power, this voice. Others have been blocked of learning about their power, and then there are some who just don't get it, have no idea what voice I am talking about. Hmmmm...
I do believe most of us know what I'm talking about, this voice, but we just shy away from it. We don't listen to this power, this voice. We don't do what we're told to do by this power, this voice. The voice says we could have more, we could motivate more, share more, love more, eat better, talk sweeter, learn more, make love better, dream better, focus better, be relaxed more, on time more, work out more, drink less soda, drink more water, blah, blah, blah. The voice says we could pursue that dream we've always wanted, do that artistic endeavor, take that trip, start that job, leave that job, whatever! But we don't. And that little voice that tells us to do it, do that art you've always wanted to, do those dance classes, start that club, save that money, take that risk, mentor, adopt, call him, her, buy that house, say your sorry, let them go…that voice, we just block. We don't listen. Then mayhem occurs. Our spirit doesn't trust us anymore. Our spirit feels betrayed. Then the communication, the love, stops.
We feel disconnected, disoriented, detached, and we can't figure out why.
A healing is in order. If we are to truly, truly love anyone or anything, we must first love ourselves. We must have complete self acceptance. Embracing the truth, the voice, is the ultimate form of self love and acceptance. It is obligatory. There is no other way to live. It is our conscious mind's obligation to fulfill. Listen to the voice, listen to yourself, your intuition, God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, the sun, the moon, Uranus, your mother who has passed--whatever you want to call it, just listen (Quick Numerology Note: as I look up right now, the clock reads—12:21am, which is equal to 33. 12 is 1+2, which = 3: and 21 is 2+1, which = 3: You then have 3 and 3. Thirty-three is the number of the cosmic mother to the world. If you add them 3+3, you get 6. Which is even shaped like the pregnant mother. 33 is powerful communication ability, through writing, music, singing, speech, art. It is harmony. A universal love. Family. A beautiful number. Basically, looking at the clock let's me know that I'm on the right track as I'm writing.)
Anyway, I digress. Listen to your spirit. Listen to it. Make a conscious decision today to say that I will listen to you. You can say, "Guide me, tell me the next step, let me know the truth, show me the next move. I promise you I will listen. I will listen. I love you." Then watch as the magic occurs. Everything will seem to talk to you, from the clouds, to the squirrels, to the trees. There will be so many signs telling you the answers to your questions. But when you get the answers and you hear it loud and clear, you must listen. You must act.
Listen to that beautiful voice as it tells you the sweetest, most perfect thing you can do for your self or for another or for the environment or for the world. Listen to that beautiful voice. However…if it's not a beautiful voice, if it's an ugly voice with tons of negative thoughts in your head…then train it to be a beautiful, loving, sweet voice. If the truth you're listening to is an untruth because of its negativity, it is your duty as an energy of earth to correct the train of thoughts to be more positive. If you don't know what your unconscious thoughts are, start using symbols to figure out what immediately pops in to your mind. Symbols and Divination tools are a great gift, because as you read them, or look at their picture, whatever pops into your mind let's you know what you are thinking on a hidden level (unconsciously.) You can use fortune cookies, I Ching, Tarot, the Bible, Sabian Symbols, quotes, Angel Cards, whatever.
Figure out what is going on in your mind on a hidden level and discipline it. Discipline your mind to think of only health, abundance, prosperity, love and beauty and you will have all of that. (Yes, it’s true, challenging events, death, pain will ultimately still occur because they are all a part of life. But with a training of the mind to believe in the good, your reactions and perceptions when if comes to the natural disasters of life will change. (And life is all about perception and reaction.) Train your mind through writing positive thoughts, vision boards, visualization, meditation, affirmations, focus, constant work, focus groups, bells, friends, therapists, discipline, love, whatever. Just train the voice. It is your conscious mind's obligation to focus on training the voice. Making your mind a playground of beautiful thoughts is your daily duty. Your first duty is your mind. Remember the whole mind, body, soul connection? You see the saying starts with the mind? There are no accidents. The mind is everything. Your life is just a reflection of the playground of thoughts inside your brain. So make sure everyone is playing nice.
Accept your loving thoughts. And follow through with them whole heartedly. It is your duty as a human, as a person in this universe, on this cosmic level. That is your task. Just like a fire's task is to be fire, and rain whole heartedly is supposed to be rain, and dogs their perfect dog self, and un stifled kids are 100% living in their truth, so must we. Listen to the voice. Then act on that beautiful voice. This is power. This is God.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
sex 101/hoes/virgins
I have not edited this.. a lot of grammatical errors and issues. But I wanted the stream of consciousness to be heard. so here goes:
I want to discuss this sexual epedemic between long term couples or those who are married They don’t want to have sex with one another. Now there are exceptions to this rule but for the most part, I’ve noticed a sexual dysfunction in relationships. And why is that? Really? Why can’t we just easily make love to each other in our home in a commitment, in a marriage, etc.? There’s usually some issues. I’m working on figuring this situation out because I refuse to believe that couples can’t have a beautiful, sexy, long-term relationship. I refuse to believe that. Now I understand that not every couple’s goal or their measure of success is to have plenty of sex. I understand that. But I think for at least 75% of couples out there, at least one out of the two want to have a consistent, healthy, steady flow of sex. Some couples, the issue is that the lady doesn’t want it anymore. I have so many friends that were hoes, excuse me, I use that word hoe in the highest of meanings. I don’t want the word hoe to be derogatory. I am taking the power out of it by using it freely and lovingly...
(About to slip in to a 10 minute rant right here....)
I can’t believe we have demeaned women for so many years because they enjoy sex. That is stupid. That is society’s way of controlling women’s sexuality by telling them that having and enjoying sex with different people is wrong and makes them bad women. That is complete nonsense. In the female ancestry, going back in ancient years, sex was used to heal, to share, to give, for pleasure, to transcend. Virgins had a whole different meaning. Virgin didn’t mean that one never had sex. It meant that a woman was whole—not possessed by any man. She was pure unto herself, and free. There would be vestal virgin rituals where the virgins would use their sexual skills to serve the moon goddess and bless the lives of her human devotees. Sometimes sex wasn’t even used for her own pleasure, or to procreate but was dedicated to a higher purpose, that of bringing the fertilizing power of the goddess into contact with human beings. And any child that may be conceived during these times of “hoeing” were considered divine. The child took on a special destiny in the royal succession. This promiscuous love making took place in the darkness of a sacred cave so that nobody knew who lay with whom nor who was the father of any child. This explains how origins of the legends that describe how Latin Kings were born of a virgin mother with no known father or the newborns were considered to be the son of god. In fact, many of the kings of early Rome were the sons of vestal virgins. The most famous of these was Romulus, first King of Rome, who was born to the vestal virgin Rhea Silvia. Consequently, the communities religious and political focus centered around these activities.
As time passed, however, and the patriarchal culture began to assume prominence, the line of descent shifted away from the vestals to the kings by marriage who implemented ways to retain their throne. Gradually, they extended the kinship from one year, to four years, to eight, to nineteen, until finally it became a life tenure. To further insure that the line of descent remained on the male side, the king, on the death of his wife, married either his own daughter or her heir; or arranged for his son to marry them. This phenomenon accounts for the widespread custom of brother-sister marriages within royal families during this era. As a result of the rise of the patriarchal culture, the vestal love nymphs were eventually reduced to the barren spinster nuns of the Middle Ages. So prior to these changes, sex was powerfully and beautifully used by these virgins to serve the moon goddess and bless the lives of her human devotees. That instinct is still in us now, but because society has ignored these natural pure motivations and condemned such open sexual expression as immoral and wicked—the condemnation has internalized and our modern day vestal virgins experience guilt and shame over their sexual responses.
Men too, have a similar issue. They sense the sexual needs of women and they want to serve, yet they want to remain whole unto themselves “virgins.” This causes them to shun long-term commitment and they are then labeled gigolos, heartbreakers, users, only after one thing. So what we have in society, are people who are afraid to express their sexual truth because they fear social ridicule. Therefore, they have hidden affairs or they go to the other extreme and sexually deprive themselves. It is so easy to observe the different levels of sexuality when you go to places like Amsterdam and visit their red light district, where prostitution is legal, regulated and bolstered. The last time I was there I was by myself, standing in the middle of the red light district where there is just street after street of women in little 15 X 6 ft apartments. Tiny little spaces where they are standing in the doorway or the windows, half naked, soliciting sex. This is their line of work. And there are different sections—you have the lower class, bullet holes in their legs, missing teeth, etc. You have you classic beauty, hightr priced section, your negro street with all the black women. You have your anomaly section, with trans gender, and unique fetishes. There is of course, homosexual section. You name it its around for blocks and blocks. It’s a writer’s paradise and voyeur’s paradise. So I’m standing in the middle of the red light district and this beautiful Surynam young man comes up to me. The Surynese are really prevelant in Amsterdam due to …. He comes up to me and asks why am I alone out here. A young attractive American all by herself at midnight. Why? I tell him I’m visiting and I just want to observe and that I was waiting for a sign of what to do next and sense you came right uo to me you must be the one that’s going to escort me around. Would you do that.? He says sure. Come to find out he’s a big time local drug dealer so he knows everything about the streets. He takes me to the different areas and we talk to the girls. Half of them seem quite content on a deep level. Some are quitre aloof , like this is just a job, I need to make siome money and go home. But we go up tone girl and he asks her if she would give me a tour of her room. She obliges and is quite welcoming. I believe her name was Christie. Beautiful. My age at the time 26, Aries , tall, svelte body, dark hair, white but you can tell her ancestory has some greek or Italian in there somewhere. So bright, so loving. The room is the size of a huge bathroom. With a little bed, a sink, and a lever to pull incase of an emergency. CVery modest. Very simple. I ask Christie right off if she likes her job. She gives an outstanding, “Oh yeah! I love it. Lots of freedom. I make my own hours. I only have to work a few days a week and I love having sex. But my boyfriend isn’t too crazy about it. He’s ready for me to quit. But I tell him look we’re so lucky because I only have to do this for six months then I’m off for six months then I come back. It’s great. He’ll be ok.” I ask her what’s the craziest thing she has seen. She proceeds to tell me how she has this one regular customer who begs her to wear her highest heels and then loves for her to stomp all over his feet and hands until they can hear the bones crushing then he wants to have sex. Then there is this other guy who brings a gallon of water, she drinks it then he explodes with ecstasy as she urinates all over him. Then there’s this one guy who always wants her to shit on him but she can’t do that. That’s where she draws the line. Plus it’s hard to control when you can defecate or not. But she just sends him next door because her neighbor can shit on command. It’s a skill. I aks her if she ever falls in love. She said maybe once but for the most part she stays quite detached and just enjoys the sport. I ask what if they are unattractive? She says that rarely happens. She can basically find the beauty in everyone but if it’s really bad, she’ll just let them hit it from the back. Now, after spending some time with her, I’m a decent judge of character quickly. And I must say. This was a an intelligent, grounded, mentally healthy young lady. Her decisions were clearly by choice. She is not being forced into anything. She loves her job. More than most people with “good” jobs. She is excited, stimulated, enjoys herself and everyday is a new adventure. We then leave her, say our goodbyes. But then there is another side to the story. And we come to another section where there is this beautiful African woman in the window. She’s older, mid-40’s, rich dark skin, worn, you can see the weight of the world is now taking it’s toll on her body. But she still has an innate beauty that radiates so strongly. She sees my drug dealer friend and she’s flirting, smiling, flashjing her thighs. , winking calling him over. But then I appear from around the corner and she immediately stops. She looks at me deeply, takes me all in as our eyes connect and I was overwhelmed with grief—I felt everything with just that quick connected glimpse..She quickly turns away from the both of us. I could feel how ashamed she was for a sister to see her this way. So ashamed for a young girl, her daughter, to see her this way. This was not where she wanted to be. She was so cold on the inside. So tired. So low. So depleted. I wanted to wrap a blanket around her and tell her that I love her and I see who she really is and this current situation can change so quickly. Don’t worry. I turn to Surynam as we walk away and I tell him that I feel terrible for her. She’s not happy. He explains to me that so many women come over form Africa and Surynam because they are promised that they can make a good living here form being a housekeeper,etc. So they come over so they can send money back to their kids. But when they get here they are quickly disillusioned at how hard it ist to make ends meet, yet alone support theiur family back home. So they end up being forced into prostitution out of desperation. I just started thinking how much much power is connected with the female body. You can have sex with as many men as you want as long as it’s healthy, from the heart and what you really want to do, Even if that’s how you choose to make money-prostitution, stripping, etc—if it legitimately comes from a healthy place. But it’s just a handful of women in those professions where it actually comes from a healthy place. But if it does, so be it. You do you. But when one feels that there is no other place they can go. They don’t want to but they must sell their body, they are hungry, no other way to get money, some Daddy issue, or lack of self worth, or any mental psychosis--then that’s when there needs to be a change.
I think most women think about stripping or prostitution, at least for a quick second. I spent quite a few hours on it. I’m in LA, running around auditioning, taking classes, needing new headshots, and need to go to new seminars. Plus, I just needed to keep up with my expensive Cali lifestyle, I remember telling my boyfriend that I’m thinking about stripping. It didn’t go over too well. I didn’t want to get a regular job. I’ve done all that before. Iwanted quick easy money. I figured, I like to dance, I like sexiness, and I like people. It’s a win win for everyone. Furthermore, I’m mentally healthy, I have a degree I know I don’t have to do this. But I’m making a well thought out decision to. No sex would be involved. It’s just acting. My argument diudn’t go over very well and the boyfriend had serious beef. So we compromised and I decided to become a dominatrix.
I love Amsterdam, I really do—not to mention the coffee shops they have on every corner 9when I talk about weed) I enjoy going to Amsterdam. Amsterdam is my spot, for a couple of different reasons. Basically, they enjoyed sex—loved it. They had a very healthy, open approach to sex when they use to date. But once they got engaged or married they just didn’t want it anymore. One girlfriend of mine literally cries when she has to have sex with her fiancé. And this is a girl who was basically a porn star before she got engaged. And I’m like is it because when you are first having sex it is i=s with the base chakra you are using and it’s just for the need, pleasure, lust, excitement, fun—all good things in a way—if done healthily. But whne you get into a relationship you start trying to raise higher up and get to the top charkas and there it’s not that anymore it is more of a spiritual love. Or is it because when you live wsith someone and are around someone for some time—after awhike you start seeuing them as your sister or your brother or your daddy or mommy—your buddy and the sex just dissipates? Or is it so mental and you can change that or maybe we really aren’t suppodwed to be worried anout and having sex all the time the media has just made us thik that so we‘re worried if wwe don’t have sex everyday or once as week or may be we are or maybe just everybody is different and there is no one answer you just have to do what brings you joy follow you bliss follow your joyus you do what makes you happy evety bnpdy has their own unique thing that makes them happy there ios enough of everything to make everyone happy because everybody’s needs are different. There’s such abundance. We all want and need a different type a man, woman, job, kids, trips, houses, homes, love, relationships, everyone is so beautifully different. There is no one answer. There is no one answer. There is no one answer. Except love.
As time passed, however, and the patriarchal culture began to assume prominence, the line of descent shifted away from the vestals to the kings by marriage who implemented ways to retain their throne. Gradually, they extended the kinship from one year, to four years, to eight, to nineteen, until finally it became a life tenure. To further insure that the line of descent remained on the male side, the king, on the death of his wife, married either his own daughter or her heir; or arranged for his son to marry them. This phenomenon accounts for the widespread custom of brother-sister marriages within royal families during this era. As a result of the rise of the patriarchal culture, the vestal love nymphs were eventually reduced to the barren spinster nuns of the Middle Ages. So prior to these changes, sex was powerfully and beautifully used by these virgins to serve the moon goddess and bless the lives of her human devotees. That instinct is still in us now, but because society has ignored these natural pure motivations and condemned such open sexual expression as immoral and wicked—the condemnation has internalized and our modern day vestal virgins experience guilt and shame over their sexual responses.
Men too, have a similar issue. They sense the sexual needs of women and they want to serve, yet they want to remain whole unto themselves “virgins.” This causes them to shun long-term commitment and they are then labeled gigolos, heartbreakers, users, only after one thing. So what we have in society, are people who are afraid to express their sexual truth because they fear social ridicule. Therefore, they have hidden affairs or they go to the other extreme and sexually deprive themselves. It is so easy to observe the different levels of sexuality when you go to places like Amsterdam and visit their red light district, where prostitution is legal, regulated and bolstered. The last time I was there I was by myself, standing in the middle of the red light district where there is just street after street of women in little 15 X 6 ft apartments. Tiny little spaces where they are standing in the doorway or the windows, half naked, soliciting sex. This is their line of work. And there are different sections—you have the lower class, bullet holes in their legs, missing teeth, etc. You have you classic beauty, hightr priced section, your negro street with all the black women. You have your anomaly section, with trans gender, and unique fetishes. There is of course, homosexual section. You name it its around for blocks and blocks. It’s a writer’s paradise and voyeur’s paradise. So I’m standing in the middle of the red light district and this beautiful Surynam young man comes up to me. The Surynese are really prevelant in Amsterdam due to …. He comes up to me and asks why am I alone out here. A young attractive American all by herself at midnight. Why? I tell him I’m visiting and I just want to observe and that I was waiting for a sign of what to do next and sense you came right uo to me you must be the one that’s going to escort me around. Would you do that.? He says sure. Come to find out he’s a big time local drug dealer so he knows everything about the streets. He takes me to the different areas and we talk to the girls. Half of them seem quite content on a deep level. Some are quitre aloof , like this is just a job, I need to make siome money and go home. But we go up tone girl and he asks her if she would give me a tour of her room. She obliges and is quite welcoming. I believe her name was Christie. Beautiful. My age at the time 26, Aries , tall, svelte body, dark hair, white but you can tell her ancestory has some greek or Italian in there somewhere. So bright, so loving. The room is the size of a huge bathroom. With a little bed, a sink, and a lever to pull incase of an emergency. CVery modest. Very simple. I ask Christie right off if she likes her job. She gives an outstanding, “Oh yeah! I love it. Lots of freedom. I make my own hours. I only have to work a few days a week and I love having sex. But my boyfriend isn’t too crazy about it. He’s ready for me to quit. But I tell him look we’re so lucky because I only have to do this for six months then I’m off for six months then I come back. It’s great. He’ll be ok.” I ask her what’s the craziest thing she has seen. She proceeds to tell me how she has this one regular customer who begs her to wear her highest heels and then loves for her to stomp all over his feet and hands until they can hear the bones crushing then he wants to have sex. Then there is this other guy who brings a gallon of water, she drinks it then he explodes with ecstasy as she urinates all over him. Then there’s this one guy who always wants her to shit on him but she can’t do that. That’s where she draws the line. Plus it’s hard to control when you can defecate or not. But she just sends him next door because her neighbor can shit on command. It’s a skill. I aks her if she ever falls in love. She said maybe once but for the most part she stays quite detached and just enjoys the sport. I ask what if they are unattractive? She says that rarely happens. She can basically find the beauty in everyone but if it’s really bad, she’ll just let them hit it from the back. Now, after spending some time with her, I’m a decent judge of character quickly. And I must say. This was a an intelligent, grounded, mentally healthy young lady. Her decisions were clearly by choice. She is not being forced into anything. She loves her job. More than most people with “good” jobs. She is excited, stimulated, enjoys herself and everyday is a new adventure. We then leave her, say our goodbyes. But then there is another side to the story. And we come to another section where there is this beautiful African woman in the window. She’s older, mid-40’s, rich dark skin, worn, you can see the weight of the world is now taking it’s toll on her body. But she still has an innate beauty that radiates so strongly. She sees my drug dealer friend and she’s flirting, smiling, flashjing her thighs. , winking calling him over. But then I appear from around the corner and she immediately stops. She looks at me deeply, takes me all in as our eyes connect and I was overwhelmed with grief—I felt everything with just that quick connected glimpse..She quickly turns away from the both of us. I could feel how ashamed she was for a sister to see her this way. So ashamed for a young girl, her daughter, to see her this way. This was not where she wanted to be. She was so cold on the inside. So tired. So low. So depleted. I wanted to wrap a blanket around her and tell her that I love her and I see who she really is and this current situation can change so quickly. Don’t worry. I turn to Surynam as we walk away and I tell him that I feel terrible for her. She’s not happy. He explains to me that so many women come over form Africa and Surynam because they are promised that they can make a good living here form being a housekeeper,etc. So they come over so they can send money back to their kids. But when they get here they are quickly disillusioned at how hard it ist to make ends meet, yet alone support theiur family back home. So they end up being forced into prostitution out of desperation. I just started thinking how much much power is connected with the female body. You can have sex with as many men as you want as long as it’s healthy, from the heart and what you really want to do, Even if that’s how you choose to make money-prostitution, stripping, etc—if it legitimately comes from a healthy place. But it’s just a handful of women in those professions where it actually comes from a healthy place. But if it does, so be it. You do you. But when one feels that there is no other place they can go. They don’t want to but they must sell their body, they are hungry, no other way to get money, some Daddy issue, or lack of self worth, or any mental psychosis--then that’s when there needs to be a change.
I think most women think about stripping or prostitution, at least for a quick second. I spent quite a few hours on it. I’m in LA, running around auditioning, taking classes, needing new headshots, and need to go to new seminars. Plus, I just needed to keep up with my expensive Cali lifestyle, I remember telling my boyfriend that I’m thinking about stripping. It didn’t go over too well. I didn’t want to get a regular job. I’ve done all that before. Iwanted quick easy money. I figured, I like to dance, I like sexiness, and I like people. It’s a win win for everyone. Furthermore, I’m mentally healthy, I have a degree I know I don’t have to do this. But I’m making a well thought out decision to. No sex would be involved. It’s just acting. My argument diudn’t go over very well and the boyfriend had serious beef. So we compromised and I decided to become a dominatrix.
I love Amsterdam, I really do—not to mention the coffee shops they have on every corner 9when I talk about weed) I enjoy going to Amsterdam. Amsterdam is my spot, for a couple of different reasons. Basically, they enjoyed sex—loved it. They had a very healthy, open approach to sex when they use to date. But once they got engaged or married they just didn’t want it anymore. One girlfriend of mine literally cries when she has to have sex with her fiancé. And this is a girl who was basically a porn star before she got engaged. And I’m like is it because when you are first having sex it is i=s with the base chakra you are using and it’s just for the need, pleasure, lust, excitement, fun—all good things in a way—if done healthily. But whne you get into a relationship you start trying to raise higher up and get to the top charkas and there it’s not that anymore it is more of a spiritual love. Or is it because when you live wsith someone and are around someone for some time—after awhike you start seeuing them as your sister or your brother or your daddy or mommy—your buddy and the sex just dissipates? Or is it so mental and you can change that or maybe we really aren’t suppodwed to be worried anout and having sex all the time the media has just made us thik that so we‘re worried if wwe don’t have sex everyday or once as week or may be we are or maybe just everybody is different and there is no one answer you just have to do what brings you joy follow you bliss follow your joyus you do what makes you happy evety bnpdy has their own unique thing that makes them happy there ios enough of everything to make everyone happy because everybody’s needs are different. There’s such abundance. We all want and need a different type a man, woman, job, kids, trips, houses, homes, love, relationships, everyone is so beautifully different. There is no one answer. There is no one answer. There is no one answer. Except love.
Eating and Shitting
Eating correctly is so important. I will not say what is the right thing for you to eat and what is not because I think to each is really own. You have to find out what’s right for you. But what I do recommend is taking some time out fasting and then food by food, see what works well with your body.
For me, it’s all about fish. I can eat fish all the time—wild fish, not fish that has been farm raised and injected with color so that it can look pretty, but healthy fish. I do believe that everything is energy so you want to make sure that the food you are eating has good energy. So if you are going to eat beef—I advise that you start inquiring and making sure that the beef or chicken, or pork that you are eating was not forced to stay in tiny quarters shitting on itself and having to eat it’s friend just to stay alive. Make sure they were happy animals. That is a hard thing to guarantee but it is necessary that you look into it because you don’t want to eat a chicken who has been tortured its whole life and forced food to fatten it up, or a lamb that has been, restrained and not allowed to walk so that its leg muscles can stay soft so you can have the most tender veal you have ever eaten, or a duck who has been forced fed cornmeal until it’s throat and stomach were about to burst...Its whole life was lived in pain— You don’t want to put that delicious fois gras into your body. I don’t think it’s necessary for everybody to be vegan or vegetarian. As a matter of fact, I believe some people require meat in their diets, but I do believe that we as a people must be conscious of the way animals are treated and handled. Nothing should ever be tortured. I believe that all our needs are provided for on this earth, the greens, the meat, just like the lion can eat an antelope—it is here for consumption. But this is a beautiful gift provided us and it should be treated with reverence, appreciated, respected and never mistreated and abused. I personally eat a lot of fish and greens but you will find an occasional lax in my rules when my mom or grandma cooks. And every once in a while, I derive so much bliss from a Whopper with fries.
I do wonder, going off my early statement, if everything is energy, I wonder where does it stop? Our society use to neglect the needs of animals, now, thank goodness, we care deeply. There are serious animal rights and some people due to their love of animals, are avid vegetarians. I wonder when we will look at plants and say, no I can’t have a salad because that lettuce is alive, those fruits are life. I know people who won’t eat nuts or seeds because it is the root of life and they don’t want to eat the source. Are we tripping? And truly what it comes down to it, is ignorance is bliss? And when you read and know too much you are scared to do anything? When does it stop? What is ok, who really makes the rules/? All I know is that for me, I just go off of what my body tells me. After truly observing, I’ve noticed that my body just processes certain foods better. And I think the best thing in the world is to be able to eat and then release, have your system as clean as possible. Everything flowing is the goal. Flowing, eliminating, releasing, shitting.
Shitting is so important to me. I will have a bad day if I don’t shit early in the day. The best days are when I get out three good shits, at least two (you’re supposed to get rid of everything that goes in.) I am so into shit. It’s such a beautiful feeling, orgasmic even--when I have that release. I have such energy surrounding shit and 3 stories regarding shitting that I had a hard time picking which one I wanted to share. I have one that involved a colonic, the other involved someone else--but I’ve decided to go with the prune juice story:
Every once in a while when I’m feeling a little backed up—I drink a nice healthy dose of prune juice. 4 large cups at one setting. Now I understand that if I do this, I have to make sure I have no where to be for the next 12 hours because you don’t know when it will strike and start working for you to release. The first time I tried I was in college and had been stressed and my body wasn’t functioning properly so I decided to get a little help. I drank one cup of prune juice. I waited 10 minutes and nothing happened—patience was never my best virtue, especially back then. I proceeded to drink over half of this decent sized bottle. Still nothing. But I was disgusted and couldn’t do anymore. I went on with my evening plans—I had a date with my long-term boyfriend. I couldn’t wait to go see him. I got all cute, got in the car, driving on the highway—all of a sudden I hear loud bubbles, I mean LOUD—it’s like GURGLE, GURGLE. My stomach is literally doing flips. I had never felt anything like this before—I mean huge flips and the sounds it was making you could honestly hear it way over my loud radio. I felt like something was trying to get out, like an alien or something, it was so strong. I was about to explode then it quickly moved into my lower abdomen….ahhhh oh no, oh no oh no….I have to shit! Right now! (I mean there was no time to make plans or to think.) I have to SHIT, explode, right this second.. I immediately pull off to the side and go a little down the ramp but it’s too late, I feel the warmth in my pants. There is absolutely no holding it, it just seeks out because the prune juice makes it liquid shit. So I’m spewing shit out of my ass at lightening speed and I park the car, jump out into the grassy knoll, pull down my pants and it’s is a blitz-kreig, a lightening war! I can’t explain all the different types of shit that came out of me. The liquid, little balls, mulchy shit, plasma like shit and it’s just coming non-stop. I shitted out stuff from when I was 3 years old. I even shit out a Barbie shoe. Cars are driving by—I’m kinda hidden but I’m not, so at least two people see me but I can’t even pay them any mind I’m purely in survival mode. Trying to get myself free of these toxins that have to be removed without any hesitation. After a four minute fire work show. It stops. But I’m sitting in the dark off the highway in a pool of shit. It’s all over me, all over my clothes, and the car. The only sort of tissue I have is my bloody maxi pad (because of course I’m on my period too) So I’m wiping myself off with my bloody shitty maxi pad. I then get back in my funky car. The smell is indescribable. I’m shaken, defeated, lost in life, demoralized, weak. I had to have let go of 5lbs of shit and water. The only thing I can do is go back home. I’m crying because I just feel so low, so confused, invaded. I felt like my body betrayed me. I just stare into the darkness trying to figure out my life. I’m telling you, an incident like that makes you think about your meaning in this life—because you have been completely stripped. I arrive home, my roommates like, “Hey what’s up I thought you had a date?’ I quickly run past her door without making any eye contact or speaking. I just hope she doesn’t catch a whiff of my shit. I take my clothes off, throw them in the washer, turn the shower water on and then my phone rings. It’s my boyfriend. I’m like oh shit. What do I say? At this point in my life we’re really close but I was still young and embarrassed and I hadn’t really processed this event for myself yet. I answer and he is concerned, then upset. With suppressed anger he asks, “What is going on, you said you left an hour and a half ago. What are you doing? Did you go to see someone else? Is someone else there? Why are you being so quiet Tina? What’s wrong with you Tina? Why can’t you just tell me Tina? I thought we were close Tina? You have to be able to talk to me Tina. You’re scaring me Tina! What what? Whaaat? Don’t lie to me Tina! Tina Tina Tina!” And I just explode—“I shitted on myseeeeeeeeelf!!!!!! Okaaay?!!! I drank prune juice and hour later it took effect. I was driving to see you and I shitted on myself!” Silence. Crickets. He then says, “ Oh…oh ok Tina. You ok? Alright you handle your business, okie dokie bye.” We never talk about it again.
I share this story because I want there to be open communication between us. Meaning, I want you to know that I have no filter. I am honest and I want you to be free and honest with me. Let’s be so real, down to the darkest of the darkest of our truths, thoughts, stories, however dark it is. For example, let’s you’ve always thought of having sex with your dad or suffocating your cat. Not saying at all to act on it. But the truth is, it is only natural that these thoughts pop up into your conscious mind because they live so vividly in the subconscious, the beast part of yourself, the animal, the primal. Release it in these venues so they don’t haunt you. Just because you think about stuff that you feel is “ungodly” doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. They are thoughts—creativity. No judgments. It’s just you and me. And I have no right to ever judge.
For me, it’s all about fish. I can eat fish all the time—wild fish, not fish that has been farm raised and injected with color so that it can look pretty, but healthy fish. I do believe that everything is energy so you want to make sure that the food you are eating has good energy. So if you are going to eat beef—I advise that you start inquiring and making sure that the beef or chicken, or pork that you are eating was not forced to stay in tiny quarters shitting on itself and having to eat it’s friend just to stay alive. Make sure they were happy animals. That is a hard thing to guarantee but it is necessary that you look into it because you don’t want to eat a chicken who has been tortured its whole life and forced food to fatten it up, or a lamb that has been, restrained and not allowed to walk so that its leg muscles can stay soft so you can have the most tender veal you have ever eaten, or a duck who has been forced fed cornmeal until it’s throat and stomach were about to burst...Its whole life was lived in pain— You don’t want to put that delicious fois gras into your body. I don’t think it’s necessary for everybody to be vegan or vegetarian. As a matter of fact, I believe some people require meat in their diets, but I do believe that we as a people must be conscious of the way animals are treated and handled. Nothing should ever be tortured. I believe that all our needs are provided for on this earth, the greens, the meat, just like the lion can eat an antelope—it is here for consumption. But this is a beautiful gift provided us and it should be treated with reverence, appreciated, respected and never mistreated and abused. I personally eat a lot of fish and greens but you will find an occasional lax in my rules when my mom or grandma cooks. And every once in a while, I derive so much bliss from a Whopper with fries.
I do wonder, going off my early statement, if everything is energy, I wonder where does it stop? Our society use to neglect the needs of animals, now, thank goodness, we care deeply. There are serious animal rights and some people due to their love of animals, are avid vegetarians. I wonder when we will look at plants and say, no I can’t have a salad because that lettuce is alive, those fruits are life. I know people who won’t eat nuts or seeds because it is the root of life and they don’t want to eat the source. Are we tripping? And truly what it comes down to it, is ignorance is bliss? And when you read and know too much you are scared to do anything? When does it stop? What is ok, who really makes the rules/? All I know is that for me, I just go off of what my body tells me. After truly observing, I’ve noticed that my body just processes certain foods better. And I think the best thing in the world is to be able to eat and then release, have your system as clean as possible. Everything flowing is the goal. Flowing, eliminating, releasing, shitting.
Shitting is so important to me. I will have a bad day if I don’t shit early in the day. The best days are when I get out three good shits, at least two (you’re supposed to get rid of everything that goes in.) I am so into shit. It’s such a beautiful feeling, orgasmic even--when I have that release. I have such energy surrounding shit and 3 stories regarding shitting that I had a hard time picking which one I wanted to share. I have one that involved a colonic, the other involved someone else--but I’ve decided to go with the prune juice story:
Every once in a while when I’m feeling a little backed up—I drink a nice healthy dose of prune juice. 4 large cups at one setting. Now I understand that if I do this, I have to make sure I have no where to be for the next 12 hours because you don’t know when it will strike and start working for you to release. The first time I tried I was in college and had been stressed and my body wasn’t functioning properly so I decided to get a little help. I drank one cup of prune juice. I waited 10 minutes and nothing happened—patience was never my best virtue, especially back then. I proceeded to drink over half of this decent sized bottle. Still nothing. But I was disgusted and couldn’t do anymore. I went on with my evening plans—I had a date with my long-term boyfriend. I couldn’t wait to go see him. I got all cute, got in the car, driving on the highway—all of a sudden I hear loud bubbles, I mean LOUD—it’s like GURGLE, GURGLE. My stomach is literally doing flips. I had never felt anything like this before—I mean huge flips and the sounds it was making you could honestly hear it way over my loud radio. I felt like something was trying to get out, like an alien or something, it was so strong. I was about to explode then it quickly moved into my lower abdomen….ahhhh oh no, oh no oh no….I have to shit! Right now! (I mean there was no time to make plans or to think.) I have to SHIT, explode, right this second.. I immediately pull off to the side and go a little down the ramp but it’s too late, I feel the warmth in my pants. There is absolutely no holding it, it just seeks out because the prune juice makes it liquid shit. So I’m spewing shit out of my ass at lightening speed and I park the car, jump out into the grassy knoll, pull down my pants and it’s is a blitz-kreig, a lightening war! I can’t explain all the different types of shit that came out of me. The liquid, little balls, mulchy shit, plasma like shit and it’s just coming non-stop. I shitted out stuff from when I was 3 years old. I even shit out a Barbie shoe. Cars are driving by—I’m kinda hidden but I’m not, so at least two people see me but I can’t even pay them any mind I’m purely in survival mode. Trying to get myself free of these toxins that have to be removed without any hesitation. After a four minute fire work show. It stops. But I’m sitting in the dark off the highway in a pool of shit. It’s all over me, all over my clothes, and the car. The only sort of tissue I have is my bloody maxi pad (because of course I’m on my period too) So I’m wiping myself off with my bloody shitty maxi pad. I then get back in my funky car. The smell is indescribable. I’m shaken, defeated, lost in life, demoralized, weak. I had to have let go of 5lbs of shit and water. The only thing I can do is go back home. I’m crying because I just feel so low, so confused, invaded. I felt like my body betrayed me. I just stare into the darkness trying to figure out my life. I’m telling you, an incident like that makes you think about your meaning in this life—because you have been completely stripped. I arrive home, my roommates like, “Hey what’s up I thought you had a date?’ I quickly run past her door without making any eye contact or speaking. I just hope she doesn’t catch a whiff of my shit. I take my clothes off, throw them in the washer, turn the shower water on and then my phone rings. It’s my boyfriend. I’m like oh shit. What do I say? At this point in my life we’re really close but I was still young and embarrassed and I hadn’t really processed this event for myself yet. I answer and he is concerned, then upset. With suppressed anger he asks, “What is going on, you said you left an hour and a half ago. What are you doing? Did you go to see someone else? Is someone else there? Why are you being so quiet Tina? What’s wrong with you Tina? Why can’t you just tell me Tina? I thought we were close Tina? You have to be able to talk to me Tina. You’re scaring me Tina! What what? Whaaat? Don’t lie to me Tina! Tina Tina Tina!” And I just explode—“I shitted on myseeeeeeeeelf!!!!!! Okaaay?!!! I drank prune juice and hour later it took effect. I was driving to see you and I shitted on myself!” Silence. Crickets. He then says, “ Oh…oh ok Tina. You ok? Alright you handle your business, okie dokie bye.” We never talk about it again.
I share this story because I want there to be open communication between us. Meaning, I want you to know that I have no filter. I am honest and I want you to be free and honest with me. Let’s be so real, down to the darkest of the darkest of our truths, thoughts, stories, however dark it is. For example, let’s you’ve always thought of having sex with your dad or suffocating your cat. Not saying at all to act on it. But the truth is, it is only natural that these thoughts pop up into your conscious mind because they live so vividly in the subconscious, the beast part of yourself, the animal, the primal. Release it in these venues so they don’t haunt you. Just because you think about stuff that you feel is “ungodly” doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. They are thoughts—creativity. No judgments. It’s just you and me. And I have no right to ever judge.
To Sing
I remember as a kid, singing my heart out, but it never really connecting. My Dad use to tell me I hadn't experienced enough pain to be able to sing. Then homelessness, self delusion, selling myself and two abortions later, I make an album. Hmmm... I wonder what Michael Jackson and Whitney really went through? Damn.
LA LA
Why don't people tell you that before you can make it in LA, you must be stripped of everything? You must be stripped of all ego and everything that made you, you. It is your right of passage for receiving all the riches that are possible. The blessed people are the ones that were stripped of everything before they even came.
I wish someone would have told me. I would have gotten rid of all my property, security blankets, high self esteem, and possessions much earlier. Los Angeles is pure Neptune/La La Land/City of Angels. When you are truly living with the angels, free of attachments, that's when your joy can begin.
I'm so glad I finally lost it all. Now I'm starting to really gain it all...
I wish someone would have told me. I would have gotten rid of all my property, security blankets, high self esteem, and possessions much earlier. Los Angeles is pure Neptune/La La Land/City of Angels. When you are truly living with the angels, free of attachments, that's when your joy can begin.
I'm so glad I finally lost it all. Now I'm starting to really gain it all...
Sigh
I feel as my hair gets longer and softer. I listen as my voice gets stronger. I watch as my body becomes healthier, stronger, sexier. I watch as I'm being molded in to what I've always dreamed. When my basic needs, basic chakras, are taken care of-- security, shelter, money, sex, love, I get to focus on manifesting my true dreams. I get to work on my true purpose. Sigh
Love and Letting Go
J.I.T,
So you always know, your spirit has been a gift to me. You make the woman your with, grow, blossom, transform. With the same care that you take care of orchids, and your bonsai, or Frankie, is the way you take care of me. Oh how I love to watch you wash the doggie. I love a man that is that attentive to detail. Gifted care, in every way. Your love allows a woman to let go, relax, and push towards her deepest dreams because she knows that she is truly loved, truly cared for on a soulful, fundamental level. You go soooo deep with your love. You prove it through action. All that love allows your lady to focus and live in her highest most beautiful truth.
(And I guess I shouldn't short myself here. The only way I could have attracted such an enlightened relationship is if I was truly loving myself first. Kudos to me too.)
The fact that I was with you during this most critical, beautiful, bourgeoning time of my life speaks to your sorcery. And for the most part, you made it so fun! We have a synergistic formula together. I grew so quick with you. Thank you. Thank you. I watched you grow exponentially too. I just hope you know it, and can see all the good. Whether our relationship lasted 7 months, or 7 years, 7 days or 7 minutes, 70 years or 70 lifetimes, we had/have something special, always. You're amazing.
Love,
Tina
Ya know, I guess for everyone, we must embrace the relationship for what it gave us, taught us, showed us, and then let it go when it's time. And you know when it's time. Don't lie to yourself, listen. I'm talking about lovers, family, kids, work, your religion, ideology, old jeans. If they don't agree with your truth anymore, if they don't want you, if the are not right anymore, then listen, leave it alone, let go and watch the new flower that grows. Don't block the new blessing. Every relationship is not meant to last forever. Get your lesson from the experience and move on. There's no excuse for wasting time. It's one of the only resources that we really can not create. Respect her, mother nature, time, and she will respect you. Let it go and what appears will be even better. Trust me. Trust.
So you always know, your spirit has been a gift to me. You make the woman your with, grow, blossom, transform. With the same care that you take care of orchids, and your bonsai, or Frankie, is the way you take care of me. Oh how I love to watch you wash the doggie. I love a man that is that attentive to detail. Gifted care, in every way. Your love allows a woman to let go, relax, and push towards her deepest dreams because she knows that she is truly loved, truly cared for on a soulful, fundamental level. You go soooo deep with your love. You prove it through action. All that love allows your lady to focus and live in her highest most beautiful truth.
(And I guess I shouldn't short myself here. The only way I could have attracted such an enlightened relationship is if I was truly loving myself first. Kudos to me too.)
The fact that I was with you during this most critical, beautiful, bourgeoning time of my life speaks to your sorcery. And for the most part, you made it so fun! We have a synergistic formula together. I grew so quick with you. Thank you. Thank you. I watched you grow exponentially too. I just hope you know it, and can see all the good. Whether our relationship lasted 7 months, or 7 years, 7 days or 7 minutes, 70 years or 70 lifetimes, we had/have something special, always. You're amazing.
Love,
Tina
Ya know, I guess for everyone, we must embrace the relationship for what it gave us, taught us, showed us, and then let it go when it's time. And you know when it's time. Don't lie to yourself, listen. I'm talking about lovers, family, kids, work, your religion, ideology, old jeans. If they don't agree with your truth anymore, if they don't want you, if the are not right anymore, then listen, leave it alone, let go and watch the new flower that grows. Don't block the new blessing. Every relationship is not meant to last forever. Get your lesson from the experience and move on. There's no excuse for wasting time. It's one of the only resources that we really can not create. Respect her, mother nature, time, and she will respect you. Let it go and what appears will be even better. Trust me. Trust.
An Amazing Gift
I had felt some guilt regarding the sexual undertone of my website. I thought, why am I living so low, on this base chakra? I should raise the vibration to the crown chakra or at least the third eye! I should have beautiful pictures more indicative of an Earth Goddess. I should have showed the other side of myself. What will the people at my spiritual center think?
Then it occurred to me. The naked body is so beautiful. Sensuality is such a gift. I recalled a conversation that I had with my wonderful, enlightened, gay buddies, Michael and Shaymus. We were watching some reality show and this lady came on half naked. I sqinched up my face and yelled, "Why is she so naked?!" To that, Shaymus replied so nonchalantly, "Maybe we're supposed to be naked." Then it occurred to me, there is nothing wrong with nakedness, it is my perception of nakedness that is the problem. Nakedness is beauty, truth, purity, natural, God. Yet, I run from it, ridicule it, and hide it.
So many cultures outside of America look at us like we're crazy for our conservatism and I can see why. Having such an adversity to nakedness speaks to issues with our sexuality. It speaks to a shame and hidden fear regarding sex. It sheds a light on all the misinformation our parents and parents' parents passed on regarding sex. A lot of us were made to feel that nudity and sexuality is wrong, dirty, nasty, and dangerous (that's true if it's good.) Even today, these thoughts still surround sex. I want to go on record to say, sex is beautiful, powerful, lovely, joyous, amazing, healing and magical. It's just a matter of being responsible and mature, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
Now, where I still have some judgment, and I'm working on it, is when I see woman on certain shows, videos, walking down the street, and you can just tell she's not comfortable. You can tell she's trying desperately, begging to look sexy for someone other than her self. I can spot it so easily because I've suffered from it myself. Guys do it too. You can just feel the insecurity oozing from them. I just want to wrap a jacket around them and give them a hug. They are not living in their truth. But then there are women or men, who have a certain walk about them, an aura, breasts popping out, bulge in there pants, legs glistening, and they OWN it. They are so comfortable, they are loving themselves, and looking so good I want to bite them! I just love that. Oh, how I adore the days when I pass by a mirror and I look so good I honestly have to stop and touch myself. That's what I'm talking about! Love yourself, own your sexuality. Be comfortable with it. Enjoy your sexuality. It is an amazing gift.
Then it occurred to me. The naked body is so beautiful. Sensuality is such a gift. I recalled a conversation that I had with my wonderful, enlightened, gay buddies, Michael and Shaymus. We were watching some reality show and this lady came on half naked. I sqinched up my face and yelled, "Why is she so naked?!" To that, Shaymus replied so nonchalantly, "Maybe we're supposed to be naked." Then it occurred to me, there is nothing wrong with nakedness, it is my perception of nakedness that is the problem. Nakedness is beauty, truth, purity, natural, God. Yet, I run from it, ridicule it, and hide it.
So many cultures outside of America look at us like we're crazy for our conservatism and I can see why. Having such an adversity to nakedness speaks to issues with our sexuality. It speaks to a shame and hidden fear regarding sex. It sheds a light on all the misinformation our parents and parents' parents passed on regarding sex. A lot of us were made to feel that nudity and sexuality is wrong, dirty, nasty, and dangerous (that's true if it's good.) Even today, these thoughts still surround sex. I want to go on record to say, sex is beautiful, powerful, lovely, joyous, amazing, healing and magical. It's just a matter of being responsible and mature, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
Now, where I still have some judgment, and I'm working on it, is when I see woman on certain shows, videos, walking down the street, and you can just tell she's not comfortable. You can tell she's trying desperately, begging to look sexy for someone other than her self. I can spot it so easily because I've suffered from it myself. Guys do it too. You can just feel the insecurity oozing from them. I just want to wrap a jacket around them and give them a hug. They are not living in their truth. But then there are women or men, who have a certain walk about them, an aura, breasts popping out, bulge in there pants, legs glistening, and they OWN it. They are so comfortable, they are loving themselves, and looking so good I want to bite them! I just love that. Oh, how I adore the days when I pass by a mirror and I look so good I honestly have to stop and touch myself. That's what I'm talking about! Love yourself, own your sexuality. Be comfortable with it. Enjoy your sexuality. It is an amazing gift.
The Prism Shines Different Colors
I've been given such a beautiful life where I've been allowed to be so free. So free to explore, to roam, to learn, to grow. I've had no obligations to anyone, no one to answer to but myself. I've loved it. But then the crystal prism shines a new color, and all of a sudden I want the obligation. I want to answer to children, a husband, the world. I want to feel responsible for the growth, and love of the universe. Life really changes. The people that are the most red, are really the most pink.
Health Bulletin
If you choose to date someone, marry them, live with them, or make them your partner, you must love them hard. When I say love them, I mean, love them, love them, love them. Every time you think of saying something mean, or cutting them with your eyes or your thoughts, stop. Stop immediately. Love them.
Your partner is your mirror, they are you. Any ill word to them is an ill word to yourself. Whatever you are thinking is truly coming right back to you. It is just the law of nature. Control your mind and love them, love them, love them. Every word must be with love, as well as every thought. If you can not do this to your fullest, the relationship must end. Love your partner hard, or let them go. It's for your own health.
Your partner is your mirror, they are you. Any ill word to them is an ill word to yourself. Whatever you are thinking is truly coming right back to you. It is just the law of nature. Control your mind and love them, love them, love them. Every word must be with love, as well as every thought. If you can not do this to your fullest, the relationship must end. Love your partner hard, or let them go. It's for your own health.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness....ahhhhh forgiveness. Right this moment, think about how much you need to forgive yourself or another, for whatever reason. Think about those hidden things that you hold over another or yourself. For real, take the time, think about it. Do you feel it? Where does it resonate, in your throat, chest, stomach, back, head? Oh I'm sorry for making you do that. It takes up so much space doesn't it? It's such a poison, toxic.
This brings up the importance of living a life of forgiveness. This means a life of putting energy in to only the beauty of the moment, nothing else. A life of fully forgiving yourself, everyone and everything in which you come in to contact. When you are fully in a place of seeing the beauty of the moment, there is no room to harp on the past, something that you did or did not do. There's no room to live in resentment of your Mom, Dad, your ex, kids, boss, the dog, or the person who cut you off in traffic. You can't be angry at Hillary, Britney, Muslims, or Bush. You can't, because you're too consumed with the beauty and love of the moment. I mean of course, acknowledge any uneasy feelings, process it, and know that you're feeling that for a reason and honor it. It may be alerting you to release a person from having any affects upon your life. You may need to remove someone from your immediate circle so they can't harm you. Or, you may need to do a deep healing of some instilled prejudices, or unhealthy perceptions. This is all true. But the quicker you can move away from those feelings and forgive, the quicker you arrive back in to the divine.
Forgiveness comes from the Hebrew meaning, "send away." Of course, the thoughts of sadness, anger or disappointment will pop into our minds. But it is our duty to send those thoughts away. We must have enough control over our minds, and our lives, that when we hear those thoughts, we let them pass, let them go, send them away. We must bring our minds back to the goodness as quick as possible. All we have in life is each moment. So, we must put as many smiles, and laughs in to each one as possible.
This brings up the importance of living a life of forgiveness. This means a life of putting energy in to only the beauty of the moment, nothing else. A life of fully forgiving yourself, everyone and everything in which you come in to contact. When you are fully in a place of seeing the beauty of the moment, there is no room to harp on the past, something that you did or did not do. There's no room to live in resentment of your Mom, Dad, your ex, kids, boss, the dog, or the person who cut you off in traffic. You can't be angry at Hillary, Britney, Muslims, or Bush. You can't, because you're too consumed with the beauty and love of the moment. I mean of course, acknowledge any uneasy feelings, process it, and know that you're feeling that for a reason and honor it. It may be alerting you to release a person from having any affects upon your life. You may need to remove someone from your immediate circle so they can't harm you. Or, you may need to do a deep healing of some instilled prejudices, or unhealthy perceptions. This is all true. But the quicker you can move away from those feelings and forgive, the quicker you arrive back in to the divine.
Forgiveness comes from the Hebrew meaning, "send away." Of course, the thoughts of sadness, anger or disappointment will pop into our minds. But it is our duty to send those thoughts away. We must have enough control over our minds, and our lives, that when we hear those thoughts, we let them pass, let them go, send them away. We must bring our minds back to the goodness as quick as possible. All we have in life is each moment. So, we must put as many smiles, and laughs in to each one as possible.
It
Dance with me here in this field
Let's dance like there's no one around.
It's the key to the world of bliss, here, trust me, watch
You can see all the joy in this field I've found
Just watch, watch
As I absorb it as it comes through the ground
Please, now come, dance with me here in this field
Dance like there's no one around
If you just dance with me in this field
You'll know the bliss I have found
Let's dance like there's no one around.
It's the key to the world of bliss, here, trust me, watch
You can see all the joy in this field I've found
Just watch, watch
As I absorb it as it comes through the ground
Please, now come, dance with me here in this field
Dance like there's no one around
If you just dance with me in this field
You'll know the bliss I have found
Too Much Water
I’m insecure again
Don’t want to leave my bed
Don’t believe in myself
Don’t even trust my friends
Don’t know my purpose
Tired of living on earth
I’m so insecure again
Don’t want to leave my bed
What has come over me
This happens periodically
But I’m so tired this time
Ego is fighting my higher side
Hate to go out in public
Is it my flaws that they notice?
Tired of the phony smile on my face
Tired of the rapes
Tired of having to be high
To enjoy anything in my life.
Tired of reading about wars
And asking what for
Tired of wishing people
would help save the world
But too preoccupied with myself
to do much more
What has come over me
This happens periodically
But I’m so tired this time
Ego is fighting my higher side
What has come over me
Why is life fucking with me
But I’m too tired of this karmic
Eternal internal fight
Sometimes I think I enjoy the pain
Get the enemies out.
Get them out of here.
Discipline my mind.
Discipline my mind
Tired of fighting. Tired of fighting
I surrender. You win.
Put me back together again
Put me back together again
I’ll trust you again
Don’t want to leave my bed
Don’t believe in myself
Don’t even trust my friends
Don’t know my purpose
Tired of living on earth
I’m so insecure again
Don’t want to leave my bed
What has come over me
This happens periodically
But I’m so tired this time
Ego is fighting my higher side
Hate to go out in public
Is it my flaws that they notice?
Tired of the phony smile on my face
Tired of the rapes
Tired of having to be high
To enjoy anything in my life.
Tired of reading about wars
And asking what for
Tired of wishing people
would help save the world
But too preoccupied with myself
to do much more
What has come over me
This happens periodically
But I’m so tired this time
Ego is fighting my higher side
What has come over me
Why is life fucking with me
But I’m too tired of this karmic
Eternal internal fight
Sometimes I think I enjoy the pain
Get the enemies out.
Get them out of here.
Discipline my mind.
Discipline my mind
Tired of fighting. Tired of fighting
I surrender. You win.
Put me back together again
Put me back together again
I’ll trust you again
Year of the Snake
I’ve shed my skin again
A new life begins
I feel the light of the sun
A new world has begun
I observe the cycle of life
Its always spinning
No wrongs or rights
I step back
And watch the kids play
Understand their journey
I was there the other day
I watch the elders glorify yesteryear
Change to some, brings fear
Evolution
Who knows where it’s going
Learned to trust in not knowing
A new life begins
I feel the light of the sun
A new world has begun
I observe the cycle of life
Its always spinning
No wrongs or rights
I step back
And watch the kids play
Understand their journey
I was there the other day
I watch the elders glorify yesteryear
Change to some, brings fear
Evolution
Who knows where it’s going
Learned to trust in not knowing
I Wasn't Ready
It was October
When I discovered
That I had been given the gift of life
So felt the magic felt the amazement
But questioned if the timing was right
I was scared yet elated
That I had been chosen for this task
So proud I was
It was the biggest gift I ever had
But I wasn’t ready
to love you
So I had to let you go
I wasn’t ready
To love you
Yet I’ll always love you so
It was November
We decided, to let it end we made our pact
And I knew someday soon
You would come right back
So I kissed you goodbye
And they ripped you away
They said I wouldn’t feel it
But it stays with me each day
I wasn’t ready
to love you
So I had to let you go
I wasn’t ready
To love you
Yet I’ll always love you so
Your true essence
Can never be taken away
With me, with me, with me,
you always stay
I hear you when you speak
And I’m honored that you’re talking to me
I know all is fine
And you will appear again
When it is our time
When I discovered
That I had been given the gift of life
So felt the magic felt the amazement
But questioned if the timing was right
I was scared yet elated
That I had been chosen for this task
So proud I was
It was the biggest gift I ever had
But I wasn’t ready
to love you
So I had to let you go
I wasn’t ready
To love you
Yet I’ll always love you so
It was November
We decided, to let it end we made our pact
And I knew someday soon
You would come right back
So I kissed you goodbye
And they ripped you away
They said I wouldn’t feel it
But it stays with me each day
I wasn’t ready
to love you
So I had to let you go
I wasn’t ready
To love you
Yet I’ll always love you so
Your true essence
Can never be taken away
With me, with me, with me,
you always stay
I hear you when you speak
And I’m honored that you’re talking to me
I know all is fine
And you will appear again
When it is our time
Little Blue Ball
Little Blue Ball
Took a few years to come to grips with the pain
Now I’ve learned the one true art, the art of forgiving
Sometimes when a heart gets, carved out so low
It allows for so much more love to grow
The first carver was you I tried to love your anger away
But you gave too many bruises, for me to stay another day
And then there was you. Ya promised we’d be together for life
6 months later I found pictures of your wife
Then there was you, the greatest, I would love you rich or poor
But now you’re locked away for years for robbing that store
Then there was you, I started the family you begged me to create
Then just as passionately you begged me to terminate
The next carver was you always telling me how special I am
Then you tried to share me with your friend
And you, taking me against my will
I give you credit, you’re the best carver still
I let go
I move on
Little blue ball keeps spinning
On and on
Then there was me, who cut others so deep
I was a nasty liar who did such cruddy things
It would be so easy to call you all fools
But we’re only a mirror so I guess I am one too
Besides I wouldn’t change a thing I would go through it all again
It made me so strong made me who I am
Yes, you game of life, you caught me off guard
But I win, Touchdown! Even with all the scars
Shhhhhh... deeply hidden, I wonder did I enjoy the pain?
Because it made me feel so alive again
To watch how deep my sorrow could go
To see if I could come back from sinking so low
I've observed all my sado-masochistic acts
Seen and felt the divine darkness and light
I must say it's all a reflection
Of the true beauty of life
I let go
I move on
Little blue ball keeps spinning
On and on
Took a few years to come to grips with the pain
Now I’ve learned the one true art, the art of forgiving
Sometimes when a heart gets, carved out so low
It allows for so much more love to grow
The first carver was you I tried to love your anger away
But you gave too many bruises, for me to stay another day
And then there was you. Ya promised we’d be together for life
6 months later I found pictures of your wife
Then there was you, the greatest, I would love you rich or poor
But now you’re locked away for years for robbing that store
Then there was you, I started the family you begged me to create
Then just as passionately you begged me to terminate
The next carver was you always telling me how special I am
Then you tried to share me with your friend
And you, taking me against my will
I give you credit, you’re the best carver still
I let go
I move on
Little blue ball keeps spinning
On and on
Then there was me, who cut others so deep
I was a nasty liar who did such cruddy things
It would be so easy to call you all fools
But we’re only a mirror so I guess I am one too
Besides I wouldn’t change a thing I would go through it all again
It made me so strong made me who I am
Yes, you game of life, you caught me off guard
But I win, Touchdown! Even with all the scars
Shhhhhh... deeply hidden, I wonder did I enjoy the pain?
Because it made me feel so alive again
To watch how deep my sorrow could go
To see if I could come back from sinking so low
I've observed all my sado-masochistic acts
Seen and felt the divine darkness and light
I must say it's all a reflection
Of the true beauty of life
I let go
I move on
Little blue ball keeps spinning
On and on
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